


keine Zeitverschwendung

by celativesolipsist



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew is his own warning, Dissociation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, POV Andrew Minyard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 02:04:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18982975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celativesolipsist/pseuds/celativesolipsist
Summary: me to andrew: you have friends who care about you. your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to let them.Sometime in late summer/early fall of Neil's second year at PSU, Andrew has a day that starts well, gets messed up by some dumbass who doesn't know he struck a nerve, and then recovers.





	keine Zeitverschwendung

**Author's Note:**

> there are people that love andrew! sorry andrew I know you don’t need anyone but they’re here whether you like it or not!! so there!!!

When he had woken up the day had been fine. A Saturday morning, nowhere to be, Neil asleep in front of him, the wall at his back, neither touching him. It was unusual for him to wake up to a peaceful Neil, rather than one rolling out of bed for a morning run, and Andrew took full advantage of the moment, carefully cataloguing the freckles dusting Neil’s nose, the familiarity of the scars on his cheeks, the calm of his brow in sleep. 

It had been a good morning as Neil woke up, his eyelashes fluttering as his breathing changed, blinking to meet Andrew’s gaze and smiling. Andrew might’ve even smiled back, a little, though he probably wouldn’t have admitted to it if asked later. 

“Yes or no?” he asked, and Neil leaned in and caught him in a kiss.

-

They had lazed through the morning, eating breakfast and turning on the TV for noise as the rest of the Columbia house began to stir. Nicky was the next one to tramp down the stairs, coming into the kitchen where Neil and Andrew sat next to each other, intent upon the eggs Neil had cooked, which had been unceremoniously piled onto one plate sat in front of them, with a mug of coffee on either side, one intensely sugared and one black. For once in his life, Nicky hadn’t seen fit to break the quiet immediately, and had instead just smiled at the two of them before he went about pouring his own coffee, which he sipped at for a moment.

“I’ll make bacon, if you’ll eat some?” Nicky said, and at Andrew’s nod had busied himself at the stove. 

The other two had woken quickly enough, and after a decently amicable breakfast, with limited conversation between Kevin and Neil about the teams that would be playing on the first night of the season, next week, they had packed up and set off on the road back to campus. Even Aaron hadn’t been a nuisance, even though yesterday he had suggested that perhaps next time they went he could bring Katelyn— Andrew had asked, then, what car she would ride in, because his would be full. But this morning Aaron didn’t choose to continue the discussion.

It had all been fine, maybe even enjoyable. He could picture telling Bee about it, and he knew she would ask if he had enjoyed it, and that he would shrug, and she would smile and ask something else, maybe  _ what happened next?  _ and Andrew would have to admit that maybe it had been enjoyable in his head, though of course she wouldn’t press him to say it out loud, so he might as well get a head start on it. 

They were needed back on campus today, though, so the moment couldn’t last. Wymack had been encouraged by the board to do a bit of press for this year’s team before the season was underway, to build off of last year’s success. The team was needed at the court that afternoon for a photoshoot and interviews. An interview was not ideal, but after this morning, it didn’t sound completely intolerable. 

— 

Then they had come back to the dorms, and Jack had come out into the hallway to greet them, a smile on his face, which should have been enough reason for Andrew to sock him in the jaw and be done with it. That would have kept the day satisfying. Jack delighted in saying things that would get a rise out of his teammates, but had so far steered clear of physical violence, and so Andrew had done the same, though on occasion he had been sorely tempted to. 

“Guess who got a package today?” Jack crooned, “Looks like it came a long way! I told the postman I’d get it to you for him!”

Nicky drew a quick breath, and Andrew looked at him askance. From Erik, then, and thus important. “Jack,” Nicky said, with a calm borne of years of dealing with homophobes and stubborn, violent cousins, “Give me the box.”

Jack laughed, and Andrew stepped forward, hand going to his armband. Jack threw his hands up in a placating gesture. “I will! I didn’t even open it. But couldn’t you stand to ask nicely?”

Andrew hesitated, just barely, before taking another step forward as Jack’s words registered. He was annoyed to find Neil suddenly halfway in front of him, facing Jack, an arm slightly out to block Andrew’s way without touching him.

“Come on, what’s the magic word?” Jack jibed. He reached back inside his open door and grabbed a box, which he tossed in the air and caught. “Didn’t any of you ever learn how to say please?”

And Andrew found Neil was no longer blocking his way, because Neil was nose-to-nose with Jack, and had taken the box from him. Neil spun on his toe and tossed the box to Nicky, who caught it, and then Jack pettily shoved Neil in the back while he was off balance, and Neil fell over, throwing his arms out to catch himself before his face hit the floor. 

The next second was a blur of motion that found Andrew at Jack’s neck with a knife, with Aaron at his side, and Kevin standing by Neil to help him up. 

“Do you like to make people beg, Jack?” Andrew was surprised to find that the syrupy sweet voice that asked the question came out of not his own throat, but his brother’s. “Do you know what we do to boys who like to make people beg?” Aaron asked.

“Or to boys who think it’s clever to start a fight with someone whose back is turned?” Nicky added from behind them. “It’s not very sportsmanlike of you, Jack.”

Neil had stood up by now, and his voice came from somewhere near Andrew’s shoulder. “Come on, guys, Coach would be disappointed if we killed him,” he said, tonelessly.

“We’ve carried the team before, Neil, it wouldn’t be that bad,” Kevin said, which was unusual; normally, when Jack made a fool of himself, Kevin wouldn’t express an opinion.

Andrew hummed. “You’re lucky Coach and I have an understanding,” he said, “but do yourself a favor and never touch one of mine again. You won’t like what happens if you do,” he promised, and, when Jack remained quiet, withdrew from Jack, turning around to face Neil and resheathing his knife. 

He heard the unmistakable sound of a punch, and turned back in time to see Jack slide down the wall as Aaron shook out his right hand once and walked past Andrew to the door Andrew’s suite.

“Come on, guys, I don’t have the key to this one, remember?”

Kevin walked forward and unlocked the door, and they all filed inside quickly, leaving Jack on the floor in the hall. Andrew locked the door behind him and turned back around to find too many eyes directed at him. And he knew why they were, too.

It had taken quite a few joint sessions with Aaron for it to come up, but he understood as well as Neil did now, and that was likely why he had reacted so strongly to Jack’s taunting. The younger boy wouldn’t understand the nerve he struck, which meant he would likely probe it further in the future. Andrew would have to be ready for that, and would have to make sure the others wouldn’t do something stupid. He wasn’t worth the escalation that had happened today, they should know that by now. 

What he didn’t understand was why Kevin had chosen today to choose a different side in the continual battle with Jack. So he asked.

“Hey Kevin. Why the change of heart?”

Kevin turned from where he had been looking out the window, arms crossed. “He’s an ass. It’s time he learned to be part of a team, and he will never get there if no one teaches him that his actions have consequences.”

That tracked, but the simple explanation didn’t serve as a very good distraction from the inevitable.

_ “Didn’t any of you ever learn to say please?” _

Andrew closed his eyes and curled a hand into a fist, then flexed both hands hard. He opened his eyes, and then walked across the room, ignoring all of them, to lock himself in the bedroom.

_ “Didn’t you learn to say please?” _

_ “Say please, AJ. Ask nicely.” _

His back to the locked door, feet flat on the floor and hands pressed flat against the solid wood of the door behind him, Andrew stood very, very still. 

The hardest part about working on triggers with Bee was still simply that he had come up with coping mechanisms as a child that weren’t actually helpful. He had so many methods of stowing things away to be dealt with later, of turning any grief into cold anger and fear into numbness, of turning it all against himself when he couldn’t do anything else with it. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t aware of this. And that made it frustrating: seeing a behavior for what it was didn’t necessarily make it easier to change. He’d at least been able to leave self harm behind in juvie, but these internal thought patterns were harder to break. 

He wondered if he should allow himself a moment to mourn the loss of whatever psychological health he had had left at age seven, before the moment that was busy playing on a screen in the back of his head. If it was worthwhile to spend time grieving that. He didn’t often ask himself that question: when he did, the answer was always no. 

He knew where he was. He knew the number of years it had been since the last time those words had been said to him. He knew Drake had been dead for almost a year now, though the others were probably still out there. He remembered the blood, and the bitter trial of the rehabilitation that came after and lasted weeks. His mind was his, though the path there had been nauseating, and his body was his too. He was in Fox Tower, and there was the bed he woke up in most mornings, which had never been the site of a forced encounter, though, of course, Andrew’s body had been, which sometimes made every other fact in the world irrelevant as memories played out again in excruciating detail. It wasn’t a true flashback, just an overwhelming sense of— rawness, and a vague sense of nausea. Andrew hadn’t been prepared for the altercation, and it had taken him at a moment when he hadn’t had his guard completely up. 

There was a light rap on the door.

“We have to be at the stadium in fifteen minutes,” Kevin’s voice said. 

Andrew took a breath in through his nose, and out through his mouth. He was out of time to indulge this little barrage of feeling. It was something he had been talking about with Bee, recently— to take a moment to observe a feeling before stowing it away. She would, of course, rather that he let the feeling run its full course without burial, somewhere in the back of the bus that was his head with whatever other ornery passengers he was carrying, something about “processing,” and “mindfulness,” but since acknowledging feelings as existing was such a tall order in the first place, they had compromised. Bee was an expert at compromises.

He buried the whole near-indefinable mixture of grief and rage and stale fear, forcibly changing the channel away from that raw old memory and instead to static, and noted that, as always, anything and everything else that could be felt had gone too. Too bad. He didn’t care. 

He turned around and opened the door to reveal Kevin’s impatient face. Kevin looked at Andrew for a moment, then frowned. Andrew sidestepped him and crossed the room, pulling his keys out of his pocket. 

He heard Kevin begin a question in French, only for Neil to say “Leave it,” firmly in English, and fall into step behind Andrew. When Andrew opened the suite door, Jack was no longer in the hallway, and his door was closed. 

The monsters all piled into Andrew’s car, and drove to the court.

— 

Jack was not present in the locker room, and everyone changed out without incident, Neil in the bathroom, as always. They sat on their usual couch in the lounge afterward to wait, Neil one side of Andrew, Kevin on the other. 

“Na?” Neil said quietly. “Geht’s?”

Andrew gave an almost imperceptible twist of his chin to the left. 

“Wo bist du?” Neil tried again.

Andrew decided to humor him. “Hier,” he said, “aber nirgendwo.”

Neil let him be.

“Can you do press?” Kevin asked.

Andrew rolled his eyes. 

“You locked yourself in the bedroom, Andrew. Can you do an interview?”

“And he came out of the bedroom again when you knocked. Leave it,” Neil said, leaning forward to glare at Kevin over Andrew’s lap.

Matt came out of the changing room then, with Dan, Allison and Renee following from the other door not shortly after, as well as Robin and Sheena and the rest of the freshman, barring Jack.

When Renee entered, she started by smiling at Andrew. When she registered his expression, she tilted her head a little to the side, and Andrew shook his head. He ignored everyone else, and stared straight ahead at a patch of wall.

“Where’s Jack?” Sheena wondered aloud.

“With Abby,” Wymack said, entering the room. “He has a big shiner on his jaw and we have to decide how we’re playing it for the press. It’s pretty soundly situated on one side of his face, so I’m thinking we shoot all his pictures in profile. Still trying to figure out how to deal with the interview, though.”

“Set him up sitting across from the interviewer and shoot the whole thing from one side,” Allison said immediately. “Make sure they don’t ask about it. Who gave Jack a shiner?”

“I did,” Aaron said. “He deserved it.”

No one tried to argue the point, though Allison raised her eyebrows. “What did he do?”

“He was an ass,” said Neil. 

“So are you,” Sheena said, “But I don’t see a bruise.”

Neil looked at her, eyebrows raised. “No bruise,” he said mildly, “I’ve already got my scars. No one’s managed to land a punch since I got them.”

“Niemand hat’s versucht,” Aaron grumbled.

“Was, willst du es versuchen?” Neil snapped. “Sei still.”

“Nur weil mein Bruder dich verteidigen wurde,” Aaron said.

“Lass es,” Andrew said, his gaze remaining fixed on the opposite wall.

“He deserved it,” Neil echoed Aaron. “Wenigstens sind wir damit einverstanden.”

Aaron didn’t contest that.

“Ihr weißt, dass es eine Zeitverschwendung ist, zu versuchen, mich zu verteidigen,” Andrew said. “Wenn ihr das versteht würden wir weniger Problemen haben. Nichts ist heute passiert, dass ich nicht vorher überlebt habe.”

Even Nicky scoffed at that. Andrew grit his teeth and didn’t move his stare from the wall. 

“Aber du hättest es nicht allein überleben müssen.” Aaron countered. “Und jetzt können wir versichern, dass du das nicht machen musst, Idiot.” 

“Und wenn du mich nicht verteidigt hättest?” Nicky added, a frown painted in the tone of his voice. “Andrew.”

Andrew pretended not to hear this. He was done with this conversation. If Andrew hadn’t beaten up those men outside Eden’s, many things might have been different. It was not worth considering. 

“If you all are finished,” Wymack said, a bit testily, “I’ve scheduled both the university press team and the local news team to come today, so that we can get them both done with and the board off my ass as quickly as possible. We’ll be here the rest of the afternoon. Each of you needs to do a short interview with the university press, and the news team will just do a couple panel interviews— Dan, Neil, and Kevin, and then Robin, Colby, Matt and Nicky. The photographer for the school will also be here, and we’ll do a mock scrimmage for them, as well as individual headshots. We’ll have the panel interviews here, in the lounge, the individual interviews in the bleachers and on the bench, and the headshots will be set up in the outer court on the other side of the inner court from the individual interviews. I know this is a lot for everyone. I’ve asked the university team to limit their interviews to five questions or less per person, and all the questions come off a list I pre-approved. The panel interviews will be about the team as a whole. Once we’re all done with that, we’ll hold the scrimmage, and then we’ll get out of here. Everyone clear? Any questions?”

Heads nodded around the room. Andrew didn’t bother to move. “I have a question,” Aaron said. “Wouldn’t it be smarter to minimize the amount of time Neil spends talking to a camera?” 

“Neil is vice captain of this team and his input on that panel is necessary. Anything else?”

No one else piped up.

“Jack is going to stay in Abby’s office with an ice pack until we get some of you through headshots and interviews, and we’ll reconvene for the scrimmage later. Watch for my text,” Wymack continued. “Dan, Neil, Kevin, Renee, Andrew and Aaron will line up for interviews first, and Robin, Colby, Matt, Nicky, Allison, Brandon and Sheena will line up for headshots. You’ll switch lines when you’re through, and when the people on the interview panels get done with one thing, let them cut you in line for the other so we can get them talking as quick as possible.” Wymack’s phone buzzed. “Perfect timing,” he said. “I’ll go let them in.”

He left the room, and Sheena took the opportunity to open her mouth. 

“Why the hell did you decide press day was the time to punch Jack?” She shot at Aaron. 

“Children learn better when consequences directly follow their actions,” Aaron said snidely. “He chose press day to act up.”

“What did he do this time?” Allison asked.

“He took the package Erik sent me and was being an asshole about giving it back,” Nicky said to Allison, “And he pushed Neil.”

“He pushed Neil, and Aaron punched him?” Allison summarized incredulously. “That doesn’t track. Why would Aaron defend Neil when they’re always at each other’s throats?”

No one answered her.

Andrew felt Renee watching him again, and turned his head to meet her gaze. Her brow was creased in a slight frown, and after a moment of eye contact, she nodded as if she had figured something out. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Renee said. “Do we know what questions we’ll be asked in the individual interviews?”

“Hopefully stuff about Exy,” Kevin grumbled. “I don’t have the stomach for questions about my favorite food or fondest memory today.”

—

“I’m here with Andrew Minyard, who plays goalie and is in his third year here at PSU. Andrew, what are you majoring in?”

“Criminal justice.”

“That’s interesting. Why did you choose that?”

“I have experience with the criminal justice system.”

The interviewer laughed nervously, looking down at her notes. “Um, what’s your favorite food?”

“Ice cream.”

“What would you say is the most important thing being on the Exy team here has taught you?”

“Communication.”

The interviewer raised her eyebrows expectantly, but Andrew didn’t say anything else. She took a deep breath, and looked down at her notes again.

“What- what would your teammates say is your greatest strength?”

Neil was watching from behind the interviewer. Andrew blinked at him. The static inside his mind was calming, and when Andrew tapped his fingers on the armrest of the chair he sat in, they didn’t feel so distant. 

“Efficiency,” He said.

Neil raised his eyebrows, biting back a smile. 

—

“Efficiency?” Neil asked later, in line for headshots.

“Einmal hast du es selbst gesagt.”

“Echt?” Neil asked, switching languages accommodatingly.

“Du hast mir gesagt, dass ich spiele wie ich lebe. Als euch eine Sauerei gemacht habt, räume ich es auf. Ich bewege mich nur wenn es Notwendig ist. Efficiency.”

“Ich dachte du hast es als ein Witz gemeint. Antworten so kurz wie möglich.”

“Wahrscheinlich.”

Neil shook his head, smiling. 

— 

When Andrew got done with his headshots (“Now smile! …Or don’t, the stoic thing works for you!”) he didn’t bother watching Neil’s panel interview, going straight through the lounge, detouring to the changing room to pick up his pack of cigarettes and then heading out the door to smoke.

Renee joined him a few moments later.

“They asked me to describe each of the other people who played my position in three traits or less,” Renee said. “I said Robin was determined, witty, and a fast learner. I called you clever, capable, and strategic. The interviewer asked what I meant by ‘strategic,’ and I told her that you plan and communicate in a way that’s precise and efficient, and she kind of shook her head before moving to the next question.”

Andrew exhaled smoke. “I told her that my teammates would say my greatest strength is my efficiency.”

Renee smiled. “In fewer words, no doubt.”

“Just the one,” Andrew replied. “Neil overheard, and seemed to think I was being ironic.”

“Were you?” Amusement colored her voice.

“Maybe,” Andrew said. 

They stood there for a moment. 

“I wondered if you had been asked to describe me,” Renee said.

“No,” replied Andrew.

“How would you, if you had to? Three traits or less.”

Andrew sighed. “Strong,” he said. “and kind, but sharp.” 

Renee chuckled. “ _ but _ sharp?”

“That is what I would tell them,” Andrew said. “You’re both in a way that seems incompatible to people like them.”

“Not to people like you?”

“I know how you do it.”

Renee hummed. “Will we spar tonight?”

Andrew tilted his head. “We’ll decide once we’re done with all the press.”

Renee nodded. Andrew continued smoking in silence.

Then Renee shifted her weight, and broke the peace. “Did Aaron punch Jack because Jack said something to you?”

Andrew took another drag on the almost-finished cigarette, and then dropped it and crushed the butt under his shoe. 

“Jack said something,” Andrew said, “but he wasn’t talking to me specifically.”

“Neil and Aaron are both angry about it, but Nicky and Kevin don’t look like they understand what happened.”

“They don’t,” Andrew said.

Renee nodded. They stood in silence for a bit longer. 

-

After a few minutes, Neil joined them. Andrew handed him the half-empty pack of cigarettes with the lighter in it, and he took one out and lit it, and, after giving the pack back to Andrew and taking a single drag, held it loosely by his side in that way of his. 

“How was the panel?” Renee asked politely.

“Nothing too bad. They’re local news, so they focused on stuff like how we liked the area and university, mostly, and about the composition of our own team. They did ask about the championship game last year, but I could tell that Wymack got them to nix most of their questions about Riko and all that before agreeing to have them interview us.”

“He will not be able to defend Kevin from that forever,” Andrew said.

“No,” Neil agreed.

Andrew held out his hand, and Neil gave him the cigarette, carefully so as to avoid brushing fingers. Something in Andrew calmed a little at the gesture. He took a drag off the cigarette. 

“I said the Ravens were irrelevant and our team is excited to see what this year will bring us. No damage control necessary,” Neil said wryly. 

“Good,” Andrew said.

“I’m glad it went well, Neil,” Renee said. “I’m going to head back inside now. I’ll see you two for the scrimmage!” She tossed over her shoulder, and with that she disappeared back into the building.

Andrew could feel Neil watching him. It was only annoying, Andrew decided, if it meant Neil was worrying about him. 

“Staring,” he warned, just in case, but he turned to look at Neil as he did. 

Neil looked down at the ground for a moment, then out across the parking lot, then back at Andrew. They looked at each other, Andrew committing Neil’s face to memory yet again, the freckles, the scars, the blue eyes looking back at him.

After a moment, Neil smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> TRANSLATIONS  
> “Na?” Neil asked, “Geht’s?”: So? You ok?  
> “Wo bist du?” Neil tried again.: Where are you?  
> “Hier,” He said, “aber nirgendwo.”: Here, but nowhere.  
> “Niemand hat’s versucht,” Aaron grumbled.: No one’s tried.  
> “Was, willst du es versuchen?” Neil snapped. “Sei still.”: What, you want to try? Shut up.  
> “Nur weil mein Bruder dich verteidigen wurde,” Aaron said.: Only because my brother would defend you.  
> “Lass es,” Andrew said.: Leave it.  
> “He deserved it,” Neil echoed Aaron. “Wenigstens sind wir damit einverstanden.”: At least we agree on that.  
> “Ihr weißt, dass es eine Zeitverschwendung ist, zu versuchen, mich zu verteidigen,” Andrew said. “Wenn ihr das versteht würden wir weniger Problemen haben. Nichts ist heute passiert, dass ich nicht vorher überlebt habe.”: You all know it’s a waste of time to try to defend me. Nothing happened today that I haven’t already lived through.  
> “Aber du hättest es nicht allein überleben müssen.” Aaron countered. “Und jetzt können wir versichern, dass du das nicht machen musst, Idiot.”: But you shouldn’t have had to live through it alone, and now we can ensure that you don’t have to, idiot.  
> “Und wenn du mich nicht verteidigt hättest?” Nicky added.: And if you hadn’t defended me?  
> -  
> “Efficiency?” Neil asked later, in line for headshots.  
> “Einmal hast du es selbst gesagt.”: You said it yourself, once.  
> “Echt?” Neil asked.: Really?  
> “Du hast mir gesagt, dass ich spiele wie ich lebe. Als euch eine Sauerei gemacht habt, räume ich es auf. Ich bewege mich nur wenn es Notwendig ist. Efficiency.”: You told me I play how I live. When you all have made a mess, I clean it up. I only take action when it is necessary. Efficiency.  
> “Ich dachte du hast es als ein Witz gemeint. Antworten so kurz wie möglich.”: I thought you were making a joke. Answers as short as possible.  
> “Wahrscheinlich.”: Could be.  
> \---  
> the title, "keine Zeitverschwendung," means "not a waste of time". There's a lot of stuff in here that that could be referring to: recovery, friends, living, caring and accepting care.
> 
> two fics in a week? absolutely wild


End file.
